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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

'The biggest party in Gaza': Former hostage recounts entering captivity on October 7

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But then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a group of kids playing soccer in the park below. They’re yelling and laughing, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like, no matter how crazy my day’s been, these kids are just living their best lives.

Former Hamas hostage recalls 54 horrific days in captivity